4. How to get out of a codependent relationship or change it? To get out of a codependent relationship, you need to expand your circle of interests and turn your attention to yourself, more than to your partner. It's very difficult, but it's real. Little by little, allow yourself to go dancing, sports, gym, yoga, or anywhere else without feeling guilty. Let go of control and stop controlling your partner. Look for new emotions on the side (hobbies, sports, new job, getting a pet), not in a destructive relationship. Changing a relationship into a constructive one requires learning, a lot of time and effort. There are no magic pills. Only working on oneself gives results.
5. Can a relationship be considered codependent if it is only about emotional dependence (there is no partner with alcohol or drug addiction)? Yes, codependency does not necessarily mean the presence of a destructive partner. This can manifest itself in parent-child relationships when parents do not allow their children to separate and see the meaning of their lives only in them and manipulate them out of guilt. Of course, they do this unconsciously. For example, "I left the house and didn't tell anyone, I was gone all day!!! And none of them called me (children), they don't care about me, they don't need me. They don't love me." And everything else in this spirit. That is any situation that can cause feelings of guilt.
6. Who should I turn to for help? Usually, if there is no excessive anxiety, I work with the client myself without involving a psychiatrist. But if I see that the client needs medication support, I recommend a psychiatric consultation. In this case, the therapy is of higher quality, and excessive anxiety does not interfere. But there is a nuance, this person must understand the specifics of working with addicts and codependents, that is, have a specialization or work in special institutions (rehabilitation centers), an ordinary specialist is not suitable. The classic example of a "holy woman" who saves her alcoholic husband. Is it hard and difficult for her, yes? Can she leave him? Hardly. Because then the meaning of her life is lost. Especially since people will say how good she is, and she is a "holy woman" who has been carrying that cross all her life, and he is a drunkard who has ruined her life.
NOVEMBER 29, 2021

Author of the text: Natalia Chernyavskaya